Relationship Issues

                -Communication problems

                                Do you remember that game from childhood called telephone? One person whispered something to another and it was similarly passed down the line until it finally reached a final person who said aloud what they thought the first person had issued.   Sure enough,   “ I love jazz ” nearly always became something like “your mama smells like bananas.”

                This is sort of what happens with couples:

                Each person comes to the game of telephone with his and her own ideas, preferences, feelings, thoughts, tendencies and experiences.  These cant help but shape the way we hear things.  So while he may say “I don’t wan’t to have dinner tonight” because he knows he has a meeting and will be at the office working late and will be stressed out and not much good company anyway, what she may hear (especially if, say, she has been hurt in the past, has self esteem issues, worries that he is not as committed to her as she is to him ect..) is “I don’t wan’t to be with you tonight… because I don’t love you/you annoy me/ I have better things to do ect…).   

                This happens so frequently and continually that we often don’t realize there could be any other plausible explanation other than what we think in our heads to be ‘true’.  After all, it’s how we think. 

                In therapy, learning some very concrete skills on how to speak to each other, learning to read the other persons filter, and relearning some perspectives on what we may hold regarding ‘how he is’ or ‘what she did in the past’  can clear up worlds of difficulty and lead to a greater depth of understanding, intimacy and quality of life for the both of you.

                -Intimacy troubles

Let’s face it, sometimes it feels like there just isn’t that much to talk about anymore.  You know each other inside and out, and have settled into a routine where not all of it is entirely glamorous.  Believe me when I tell you, no matter how well you think you know each other, you have subscribed to relationship habits.  These habits may make you feel great, and may make you feel terrible.  They can influence how you feel about yourself and thus what you make happen in your life outside of your relationship.  The reality is, is that you can easily fall into habits based on ‘what the other person brings out in you’ and neglect or struggle to identify with the other parts of your personality.  No matter how well you think you know each other, there is another level of possible communication and parts of yourselves that you have not shared with each other.  Likewise, there are pieces of each of  that may have been neglected, especially if the pieces do not feel like they fit into the identity of the relationship.   As individuals, we are constantly changing and evolving.  It is ludicrous to think that something as dynamic as a relationship could not follow the same process.  You may have stopped opening up to each other, in the way you once did.  You may censor, or  tailor, and  may even deny parts of yourself that do not fit into the relationship.   Together  we  will explore the details behind how and what of this may be happening, such that the intimacy between the two of you feel s compromised, stagnant.  We can break through this dynamic, creating a more open, fulfilling life for the both of you, and for you each as individuals. 

                 -Sexual Issues

Pretty self explanatory. Or is it?  There are many factors that influence a couple’s relationship in the bedroom.  The lack of interest in having sex, the inability to enjoy it, lack of affection based on unresolved  emotional and physical issues are all entirely entwined in the sexual expression of love for one another.  It all comes from somewhere, together we can figure out what is going on and what we need to do for the two of you to be able to make it better.