-Just Not Into it?

There was a quote on the blackboard of one of the places I did my training that read:

“Marriage is what keeps us together while we’re falling in and out of love”

                I think about this often.  The reality is, is that marriage (or any committed relationship) is long. It is inevitable that you will both change, as your lives change.  Things will happen, good things and bad things.  These realities can easily come between even the healthiest, happiest of couples.    The fact is, that there is a part of you and a part of them that was compatible enough to begin to date. To fall in love.  Parts of yourselves that did understand and meet each  other’s needs.  Daily resentments can build, complications within the relationship can linger and grow, individuals can give up too much of themselves.  All of this can lead to just not feeling in love, not feeling happy with the person you are with.  Sometimes, if we aren’t feeling good about ourselves, it’s difficult to share our self with another person.  And sometimes, we just need our own energy.   Often it can feel black or white, like the only way to move forward is outside the relationship. You owe it to yourselves, and to the relationship you have built, for better or for worse, to explore what some of this issues are predicated on, what you feel you may have given up or are giving up,  why you are finding dissatisfaction in the other, and find the answers that can lead to changing the situation, changing the feelings, changing the relationship.

                - Affair Recovery

                Sometimes things happen in a marriage that may feel like we can never overcome.  In our process, we will seek to figure out any imbalances in the individuals and the marriage that existed prior to the affair, during the affair and post affair.  We address issues regarding  overcoming the betrayal, trust issues, self esteem issues, forgiveness and many, many more.  We work deeply to  try to create a healing, and a marriage anew. 

                -Healthy Divorcing

Separating from a relationship or separating a family is one of the most complicated endeavors people can go through.  But it does not have to be heart breaking, does not have to be angry, and does not have to ‘damaging’ to children if there are any involved. Making two families out of one can be done in a way that is very, very right , or a way that can be gut wrenching to all involved and where the effects can last a lifetime.   Often when couples come to the decision to end a marriage, it can feel like there  is ‘nothing else that can be done’.  The reality is, of course there are tons of things that can –and should- be done.  You may not be right for each other as spouses any longer, but you will always be something very important and influential in each other’s lives simply in the role as an ex-husband or ex-wife.  Whether you choose never to speak to each other again,  you closely co-parent children, or you find an amicable place in between, the time while you are letting go of one another, is a perfect opportunity to try to gain deeper understanding,  compassion, forgiveness and closure, to set the stage for each of your future relationships and lives as separate individuals.   Children cope much better  when Mommy and Daddy are not left with unresolved issues.  Do what you can to help yourself heal, through an immensely difficult, though hopefully also exciting, transition time into your new lives.